Elemental Comedy

Two incidents, from my real life, that I found amusing enough to share.

The first occurred when I worked at Ameriquest Mortgage Company. I was an Operations Analyst, which at the time meant I wandered around looking for people that needed things tinkered with, electronically speaking. During one of my wanderings, I ran across a couple of co-workers discussing a land survey that was sent in on a loan we had been processing. The survey stated that the soil the house was on had been tested and it was discovered that it contained high levels of Arsenic. The ladies were baffled. How did it get there? Was it toxic waste? A chemical spill? Had someone poisoned the soil? Who would do that?
I stepped inside the office, asking for clarification. Yup, arsenic in the soil.
“You know Arsenic is an element, right?”
“What?”
“An element. It occurs in nature. Nobody put it there.”

The second occurred years earlier, with my brother. I was telling him about I had recently gotten a piercing. The curious sort, he asked me what I was doing to take care of it.
“Are using hydrogen peroxide on it?”
“No, I clean it twice a day with Betadine.”
His brow creased, “And what’s the active ingredient in that?”
“Iodine.”
“And what’s the active ingredient in that?”
Now it was my turn for the creased brow. Was he kidding?
“Um, electrons…”
“What?”
“It’s an element.”
“Are you sure?”
Damn it. He was making me doubt myself.
“I’m pretty sure. Yeah, it’s an element.”

That was some ten years ago, but moments like that stick with you.